I haven't talked much about my university classes, taking classes with Chilean students in Spanish.
Basically, it makes me cry. Particularly the class Historia Social de Latinoamerica. Literally cry. I've been walking out of that class feeling like I wasted 1.15 hours of my life because I don't understand 70% of what the professor is saying. And as I look at fellow EAP-ers copiously taking notes, I always have to angle my head to be able to look at their notes and copy their notes.
I went to office hours today, determined to bring some closure to this icky yucky incompetent feeling. After asking the professor a few questions, I flipped through my notebook aimlessly trying to think of something else to ask him, hopelessly wishing that I could just UNDERSTAND THE CLASS.
I said uncertainly, "I think that's it..."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
I flip aimlessly through my notebook again. I feel a sour lump forming in my throat, the sour lump that one feels when I'm on the verge of tears. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Tears just came streaming down my face. I tried to hide it, but in an office that small and him sitting only 2 feet in front of me, and my voice was shaky, it was pretty impossible to hide my tears. My professor had a worried look on his face.
"What happened??" he asked with a concerned voice.
I explained to him everything about how I've been feeling. Everyday after class I feel like I've wasted my time, I don't understand anything, the readings are hard, I go to class when people go off traveling, I go to 8:30 review sessions, and I'm still struggling. And I have an upcoming quiz that I probably won't even be able to respond correctly because I don't understand anything.
Thankfully, he was very understanding and assuring. He told me I could bring a dictionary to the quiz, to not worry about the grades so much, and to ask him questions whenever I needed to.
Gosh, how embarrassing though. I may be a teacher's pet, but I've never burst into tears in front of them before.
So that's how school is going for me...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Awww, Grace Mao. :( Why didn't you tell me about just how much you were struggling with classes? I knew that you were having difficulties but I didn't know that it was that bad. D:
Good thing that you got to talk to your professor about it, though. :) Don't be too embarrassed about crying, ok.
i have had similar struggles with school as well. that sour lump thingy, i totally know hwat you mean. i ditto moon. don't be too embarassed about crying and i'm glad you saught your professor's help. and like your professor said, don't worry too much about the grade- just keep doing your very best. jia you ja you!
:-( *hug*
but think of how much of a stronger person you'll come out of this whole experience, not to mention how vastly improved your spanish skills will be. :) challenging experiences are a godsend, and it's not something everyone "gets" to have--that's the difference between an interesting person and a boring person. so be thankful for all the experiences that make you interesting!
if it makes you feel any better, i know there are heaps and heaps of students in asia who share your experience, attending an english-speaking school, only they do it for 3-4 YEARS. it's hard, but you'll pull it off, and you'll feel great after climbing that mountain.
Aww WU WU!!! :( I didn't know about how hard this class was! I wish I could give you a hug :) Keep pressing on Wu Wu - glad that the teacher was understanding! It's okay to cry :) You were being honest about your feelings.
One day, poor Grace, you will look back on this class and just smile. And if it makes you feel any better, I feel the SAME way in Chinese. I wish we could trade brains just from 8-9 on M-F.
Post a Comment